Happiness or Fairness?

“The happiest people don’t worry too much about whether life is fair or not, they just get on with it”.
-Andrew Matthews

 

I’m not a fan of really long Social Media posts. It’s not because I don’t care. I genuinely do! I really don’t have the time. I started this as a Facebook update but decided  this one belongs on the blog for people to read at their leisure, if they so desire.

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Focus on what matters.

“The happiest people don’t worry too much about whether life is fair or not, they just get on with it”.
-Andrew Matthews

This one is hard for me. Whether it be regarding me, my children, my friends, family or strangers, I am all about fairness. I have a very hard time when things aren’t fair, for ANYONE-even if it’s with myself.  For example, if I receive, win or earn anything that another person may lose out on , I feel bummed! It’s like I ripped someone off.

What helps me through these types of situations is knowing that, in the end, God will take care of it. We all have our turn in this thing called life and need to remember that  happiness is a choice- fair or not! 

You can consistently receive less than someone else- for no apparent reason or because the other person may work just a tad harder than you- who knows! We can compare ourselves to the other person and then compete to fill a void that only seemingly makes us happy. You can also choose to be miserable and hold a grudge against the person on the receiving end. But what about being content with what you have, focus on what matters and move on from there! Things may not always be fair but you ALWAYS have a choice to be happy or not. 

 

 

A Tribute to my Mother

Growing up, I thought you were a little crazy at times but I’ve always been proud to have you by my side. My mother, Janice , I love you & I’m thankful God gave me you as “mom.”

My mother, Janice , I love you & I’m thankful God gave me you as “mom.”

Growing up, I thought you were a little crazy at times but I’ve always been proud to have you by my side. Even though I had to share you with three younger sisters, daddy, work and countless organizations you graciously volunteered, I could ALWAYS rely on you.

I remember when I was about 12 and you told us you were pregnant with # 4. I thought, and maybe even said, “gross,  you’re too old” & “I will never have that many kids”. After the initial shock, I did (& still do) admire you for raising four girls. I could not see our family any other way.  All three sisters are my best friends and all three are the best Aunts to my children.

I have to say that I’m quite proud to follow in your footsteps with four girls (and then some) of my own. The only difference is you raised all of us without your mother physically here on earth. I’m forever thankful and grateful to the Lord that you have been able to take part in most of our precious and vital moments.

How amazing that you were present for almost all of your grandchildren’s births? If not at the birth, you arrived shortly after ready to do what Nonna’s do best! Remember when your first grandchild- my first child- was born? You were 3,000 miles away but quickly took the first flight out to assist me with the awkward transition- you know the one where you go from being a “mommy-to be-to a MOM. I honestly wasn’t sure what to do with her.  I stayed up all night long holding her and she just stared at me. Then Nonna came to the rescue during a literal firestorm! (San Diego Wildfires of 2003) I was reminded to have faith, keep moving and that it is alright to take a rest.  I’m not sure if I ever told you how much I appreciated your assistance during that time -and every other time.

I will also never forget the love and respect your showed for your heavenly grandson, Tyler. Even though he was so tiny, you never once considered him to be less than human. I am forever grateful for you during that tragic time. I may even envy you a bit for holding him- something I chose not to do but regret now.

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With God’s hand, you gave me life, love, my sisters, several tangible gifts, the desire to give & encourage others, creativity, love of cleaning, the faith to keep moving, a shoulder to cry on and more. Yet I ask, “What have I  done for you mother”?

I tell myself, if I had the money I’d buy you so much to repay you. I know you like your purses & clothes but that’s not what you’d really want or expect. Sure, it would be nice right? After all these years of being your kid, I’d like to say I know the greatest gifts for you. Please correct me if I’m wrong when I say that this tribute is one of them.

An affirmation of my love, respect and appreciation for you as a mother & grandmother and the confirmation that your work as a mom has paid off.

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Mother, thank you for everything and Happy Mother’s Day!

We’re having a……

We’ve found out the gender of baby #6 & want to share the news with everyone.

Sometimes I can’t believe I have six children! So far, God has blessed me with three girls and two boys.
I have 4 living Summer (12), Autumn (6), Ryan (3) & Skylar (10 months) and one Angel Baby Boy, Tyler. Though he is not here physically, I know he is with us. Nothing separates the body of Christ, therefore, he still counts. 🙂

Recently, we discovered number six’s gender and want to share this news with you.

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But first, I do want to be clear that this pregnancy was the only pregnancy not planned. Read the story here.
From day one I’d refer to this little one as, “he”. After all I have 3 girls and 2 step daughters, so it has to be a boy, no matter which signs and symptoms were prevalent. I’d ask the other children what they thought “it” was and their initial answer was sister. However, I prepped them all for a baby brother.
We went in for the ultrasound and the tech asked us if we want to know the gender. Of course, we said yes but I requested that we were giving a chance to guess the gender from looking at the “parts”. I’ve done this in the past and had the experience.
From the moment I saw this baby’s anatomy, I thought “boy”.
We finally got to his parts and I saw the “boys”. She asked me what I thought and I shouted, “Boy”! But she did not confirm my answer. I’m thinking, “Um, lady what the heck? I have to be right so could you please just confirm.” Boy, was I wrong! Those “boys” were really “girls” but at different angle. I was shocked. Completely & utterly shocked.
After, measuring and checking the baby’s anatomy, the tech then showed us her actual face in 3D. Once I saw her face, I knew she is momma’s girl #4.
Have a name suggestion? We are definitely open to hearing them. I’m all out!

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Whoops! (There It Is)

I think most of us can agree that life can sure throw some curve balls. I am a mom and have been for over 12 years. I never thought I’d have 4 children. But as that saying goes, “expect the unexpected”.

I think most of us can agree that life can sure throw some curve balls. I am a mom and have been for over 12 years. I never thought I’d have 4 children. But as that saying goes, “expect the unexpected”.

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Autumn, Summer, Skylar & Ryan…..My Four Monkeys!

Even though I never thought I’d have several children, they were really all planned. Not one of them was unplanned, including my angel baby, Tyler. He would have been number four but passed away at 16 weeks in the womb.

Right after having my youngest, who is now 9 months old,  people ask  would if we are done. I replied,  “I’d love to be done but ultimately it is up to God”.  I mean, how can I say absolutely not when we should be open to life. Besides, I was ready to restart my fitness journey and move forward with the MMF organization, 110%.  Well, God sure has a sense of humor! 

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I try to be a decent Catholic.

I expected my period early December and even though I felt like it was coming, it just was not happening. For my piece of mind, I took a leftover unused test from my pregnancy with Skylar – my youngest. I knew it would be negative because I had tracked my cycle and was not showing signs of ovulation.  Much to my shock & surprise, it came out very positive. I cried and cried. I called my mother and cried some more and just laid numb on the couch for the rest of the day. For days, I did not believe it and was adamant that this was not real. I felt embarrassed, helpless and alone. I was afraid to tell anyone, including my sisters who are my best friends.

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12 Weeks

After several weeks, I finally decided to go to the doctor.  By this time, I was over 10 weeks. This certainly is not too late to go to the OB but with other pregnancies,  I’d go as soon as 6-8 weeks.  I think a part of me was expecting a false positive pregnancy or a miscarriage. 

My husband and I went for the first initial visit. My OB/GYN is a practice of great doctors and I’ve had them all a part of a delivery or a procedure. Needless to say, they know me well and I am very comfortable with all of them. For this particular visit, I had Dr. Maute . She has got to be the sweetest doctor ever &I could talk to her for hours. She was with us when when delivered our Angel Baby and has the greatest bedside manners. Dr. Maute walked in the room and just smiled. With a very positive attitude and outlook, she helped ease the tension and fear I had and reassured me everything would be okay. The ultrasound began and I waited to see if I really had a another little life inside of me. As soon as the ultrasound began…..THERE IT WAS!  A strong heartbeat and lots of movement from this little one. 

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Baby Vose

After this appointment, I accepted that God has created this life for a reason. Though I’m unsure why, He has the ultimate plan and I’m just going with it.

Since the initial prenatal visit, I have been back about twice. The baby is still growing and so is my belly. Am I happy ??  Well, I am happy God  has chosen me to carry out His plan. But I’m not going to lie, I’m scared!  The WHAT IF’s and HOW’s haunt me daily.

Despite my griping and moaning, I do believe these little guys have a reason for being created. It may be a “whoops” on our part but not for God. He doesn’t make mistakes. 

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16 Weeks

Mom vs Step-Mom

Have you gone through or are you going through a divorce? Do you have children with your ex or soon to be ex? I’ve been there and I knew one day the girls’ father would remarry.

Have you gone through or are you going through a divorce? Do you have children with your ex or soon to be ex? I sympathize with you and your family. Divorce is hard on everyone involved. I’ve been there as my ex-husband and I were married for nine years with two girls, Summer & Autumn. For various reasons, we both decided it was time to move on. Our marriage was annulled in the Church and legally dissolved.

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How some Moms handle situations

Let me start this off by stating, everything we did was amicable. There was some arguing but for the most part we agreed and found common ground. Especially if it was in the best interest of the girls.

In this particular situation, both I and the girls’ father thought it would be best if we kept the girls in the same house and school. We wanted them to have some familiarity and not get too thrown off. My ex husband kept the house and that mean’t I had to give up seeing the girls nightly. We are very blessed to a) get along and b) live near each other so they stay with me often. Not to mention, I know their father loves them very much and would do nothing but the best for them. I also had faith that this was the right thing to do and needed to trust God. Yes, I know many will judge and say the opposite and perhaps even call me a horrible mother. Sure sometimes I feel like it but what I’m about to tell you will confirm my faith & choices.

I knew one day the girls’ father would remarry. In fact, I even prayed for the perfect mate for my ex and stepmother for my girls.

The day came and I knew my ex had found the perfect women for him. I mean PERFECT!!! This lady bakes- like real goodies, loves kids and animals, is a teacher and a planner. 

From the start, I really liked her and was grateful she had come into our family. Let’s face it, we are all a family. I’m not sure she thought I was genuine in the beginning but I do not blame her. I mean, how many ex-wives get along with the new wives? (Hence the picture above)

I know it may seem strange and we have had some minor conflicts, mostly due to miscommunication, but I refuse to hate 
this lovely woman.

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Me & My girls’ Momma #2

This amazing mother took on & loves my two girls as if they were her own. Do you know she even volunteered to be Autumn’s Girl Scout Leader?  

Because I only have the girls overnight each week and for one long weekend per month, she constantly keeps me in the loop . We work together for the girls and our sons are buddies too. They are about 18 months apart and my son, Ryan, just adores her son. We’ve had several  play dates.  I think it is good for the kids to see us all getting along. 

Without her, I don’t know where I, or my girls, would be. God seems like He knows what He’s doing! I guess we just need to trust that once in awhile 🙂

A Tip from Me: If you are a divorced parent, I want to warn you that you may sometimes deal with the kids playing parents against each other. My suggestion to you would be to take most things your children say, about the other parent, with a grain of salt. Simply just speak to the other parent prior to jumping to conclusions. We have and will continue to experience this with the girls. Especially since Summer is about to be a teenager.